During meditation today I had an interesting visualization. It was a beehive – not the big oval ones that Winnie the Pooh raided during my childhood. The beehive I visualized was in the style of beekeeper, rectangular with trays that could be removed to extract honey.
It was explained that a part of one of the trays was damaged and must be pulled out and scraped away to allow healing. I looked at a tray that was partially removed to show me the damage. The damage was a darkened area encrusted with a white substance. Honey oozed off the tray and dripped to the ground creating sticky blobs I had to step over to inspect the tray. The bees were docile, watching as the tray they had struggled to keep as part of their hive intact was removed. I sensed a feeling of sadness intermixed with relief.
As I watched the damaged area of the tray being scraped away and removed, I instinctively knew that the recognition of issues and the healing of those issues may be a painful process. Even though it appeared that we were destroying the hive, it would be stronger than before, once it was rebuilt.
I’ve been working steadily on myself – my inner self. I have been consistently scanning and looking for things to heal, and I’ve run into something that I’ve been surprised to recognize. It is a feeling of unworthiness - as if I am not good enough.
Despite my endeavors to make myself into a stronger, more resilient person, I now recognize that I have issues with self-confidence and have stepped back to self-reflect upon the history of this ego-driven emotion that I now see and recognize as holding me back from greatness. Don’t get me wrong, I am not discounting what I have managed to achieve during this lifetime. I am far from where I was when I was younger and for this, I am grateful.
